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A Blue Study

A couple of weeks ago, I was depressed and underproductive for a few days. It was mainly due to the Arizona shootings, but also some personal stuff. I was a blue study.

I've learned not to judge myself for being underproductive, and especially not to judge whatever feelings are causing the underproductivity. If I'm blue, I'm blue. If I'm underproductive, I'm underproductive. Being underproductive may feel bad, and delay projects a bit, but it doesn't diminish me in any way. I'm still Hillary, still doing what I always do.

The nice thing was that, even while blue, my prior efforts yielded outcomes. Some people I had helped had gotten jobs, while another is planning an exciting career shift. Others are making good progress on their business planning and growth. And I helped one person with her grieving for a parent.

I also worked on putting together some computers for my foster kids - they'll be running GNU/Linux and other free software (e.g., OpenOffice), which should hopefully relieve the kids of the cost and nuisance of software licenses, as well as eliminate problems with viruses. I'm hoping the sensible technology catches on with their friends.

I also cleared things up with a relative with whom I've been having problems communicating.

And I did do a few minutes of writing here and there.

All that happened while I was depressed and in a rut.

And shortly afterwards, I was back and writing on schedule again.

The moral is that if you invest your time in assets, including people and community, you'll accomplish things even when you're in a rut. And if you're careful never to harass or chide or shame yourself for underproductivity, you'll bounce back as quickly as possible. Underproductivity always has a reason, and the reasons are always valid and rational. Focus on self-care and healing and the ship will right itself again.

During this same period, some people's time investment yielded more of a return than my own. This week, the kids themselves have been celebrating the recent referendum in their home country, South Sudan, where 99% voted for independence from the oppressive North Sudanese regime. Like all immigrants and refugees, the kids have faced serious barriers and challenges, but they have had the reward of helping to create a new homeland for their people.

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